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The first email pitch from hell for 2006 arrived today:
I thought you might be interested in a new study out today showing that consumer satisfaction with virtually all of the top 40 retail websites has dropped over the holiday season. This news comes from a study done by ForeSee Results and FGI Research called the Top 40 Online Retail Satisfaction Index.

My favorite sentence:
High satisfaction scores—how happy people are with all aspects of the online experience when they visit a site—have been proven to correlate directly and tightly to likelihood to return, recommend, and buy. Who’d have thunk it!
Well, of course [publicist] who wouldn’t be interested in every one of the 1181 words in your email pitch! Thanks so much for the contact!