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As if kids don’t have enough to worry about, PETA’s GoVeg site is telling them that the milk they’re leaving out for Santa is making him impotent. Soy, PETA says, brings joy and is a yummy alternative to leave out for Santa. Perhaps the little ones should leave Santa some of daddy’s Viagra instead.

“Hey, kids!” the site says, “Is the milk that you’re leaving out for Santa sending his “North Pole” south? It could be that “Jolly Old Saint Nick” can’t get his jollies because milk is bringing him down.”

“When Your Cholesterol Is Up, the Only Thing Hard Is Your Arteries,” warns GoVeg. Milk isn’t just bad for your mojo, they karp, it also causes “hardening of the arteries, osteoperosis, obesity, heart disease and other diseases.”

No visions of sugar plums will be dancing in the head of any kid who sees PETA’s site.