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  • Readith what we write before thou contacteth us. (It always helps to knoweth the name of our dog.)
  • Calleth us by our actual names (do not call me Mr. Ochman, for example)
  • Call us not “dear blogger
  • Contact us only when you have something relevant to say. Before you contacteth a blogger, ask thyself “Who cares?” and “So what?” Haveth answers to both these queries. You will need them.
  • Be sure thy pitch is not mundane. Verily, one must stand out among hundreds of other hopefuls.
  • Snooker us not. Since many bloggers are bullshitters, we have excellent BS radar.
  • Sendeth not any unsolicited email attachments, for they soon shall be trash.
  • Pitch not in Twitter direct messages. Thou wilt instantly be blocked forever.
  • Disguise not your pitch as a blog comment.
  • Don’t tell us that you knoweth we’ll want to cover XYZ. Thou does not.
  • Keep thy pitches short and pithy, but be not perky.Pitch not! Inform. Don’t call us, we’ll call thee.
  • Bring us thy pitch before you give it to everyone and her dog. Recognize that embargoes are stupid, and likely to be ignored.
  • Do not pretend that thou are not a publicist.
  • Tell not any lies. You will be found out and flogged on Twitter, Facebook, Friend Feed and Scoble’s blog.
  • If thou behaveith truly foolishly, or in a way that annoys Loren Feldman for some reason, thou may end up as a puppet character in a 1938 Media video.
  • Providith an email address from your company, not hotmail, yahoo, or gmail; and include a phone number so we know thy company truly exists
  • Begin not thy pitch, or include in thy press release “We are excited about….” Of course you are. We’re not.
  • Remembereth that bloggers know each other and sendeth each other silly PR pitches for sport
  • If thy company hath made a mistake and we note it duly in a post, respondeth in an honest manner.
  • Make haste in initiating your response. Two days is the equal of one year in Internet time. Ask not for whom the clock ticks. It ticks for thee.

  • Be sure thou doth not demand retraction, although one may politely request a correction.
  • Say what thy company will do to correct its mistake, and by when.
  • Thy blogger outreach person should be a big cheese, not a lowly flak.
  • Answer issues in the medium in which they occur. Answer blog posts in blog comments. Answer YouTube videos in YouTube. Be certain thy responses are direct, have verity, and soundeth not like corporate speak.
  • Maintainith, always, thy senses of irony, absurdity, and humor.
  • Forget thee not, that what goes on line, stays online.