Think mad cow disease is scary? Wait til you hear PR experts' advice to the beef industry

USA Today reports that communication experts have lots of advice for big restaurant chains and beef industry groups to help them grab the beef crisis by the horns. Their suggestions are scary. Hey, how about telling the truth? Among the PR recommendations:

ï Cut the jargon. Terms like "downer" cows and "muscle cuts" of meat are unfamiliar to many consumers. Beef producers should use language that is simple and clear, Bernstein says. How about sick cow, or diseased flesh of dead animals?

ï Offer information. Restaurant customers who want details on beef safety should be handed a fact sheet, he says. How about: You are about to eat meat that could be diseased. We have to way to know because there is no system that tracks beef herds to market, thanks to beef industry lobbyists and the politicians who cave to them.

ï Give a clear message. When asked by customers whether the beef is safe to eat, restaurant counter workers and servers should be trained to instantly respond, "Yes." Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke.

ï Involve CEOs publicly. "The CEO should not be fuzzy-wuzzy on safety. The CEO of every beef company needs to get out there and say: 'We are going to be transparent on this issue.' " Whatever that means.

ï Think creatively. People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals may have one-upped the beef giants on this. On January 2, it will take over the Web address www.beef.com, which had been for sale, to offer vegetarian news.